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Naked on the Internet

from DANCE SCANDAL AT THE GYMNASIUM! by The Claudettes

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about

This is about having no control of your own biography in this day and age. You can earn all the Masters and Doctorates and Pulitzers and Nobels you like, but people don't care about those nearly as much as a sleazy scandal or ruinous photo. And no publicist can erase this fully for their star clients. "America saw him naked, and a hundred years from now he'll still be naked on the internet." Imagine if all U.S. presidents had had to contend with this? World history would be vastly different, with all those deposed early-to-mid-career. This song was written in August 2016, before sexting, sexual harassment and such scandals were saturating the news."Even Russia! Russia saw him naked!": a prescient lyric predating the Russia Investigation.

lyrics

He shoulda donned his shorts on the beach in France
He shoulda shut the door when he doffed his underpants
But he didn't, and now he's...

Naked on the Internet!
America saw him naked, and a hundred years from now he'll still be
Naked on the Internet! (piano fill)

There's a hole in his backyard fence—Paparazzi! Paparazzi!
It makes no sense not to mend that fence
You know it's pretty dense not to mend that fence
You should know if you're a movie star
Telephoto lenses work from really, really far, but…
But he didn't do that—No, he didn't do that
He did not mend that fence, now that doesn't make a lick of sense, and now he's
Naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet!

Naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet!
America saw him naked…America saw him naked…Even Russia!
Russia saw him naked!
From coast to coast, everybody knows: He's naked on the Internet!
Naked on the Internet!

credits

from DANCE SCANDAL AT THE GYMNASIUM!, released March 23, 2018
Piano - Johnny Iguana
Lead vocal - Berit Ulseth, Zach Verdoorn and Johnny Iguana
Bass VI - Zach Verdoorn
Drums - Matthew Torre
Percussion - Mark Neill and Matthew Torre

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The Claudettes Chicago, Illinois

The Claudettes fuse Windy City piano blues with the full-throttle energy of rockabilly and punk, jazz-age echoes of burlesque and vaudeville and the sultriness of '60s pop-soul to write a thrilling new chapter in American roots music. Johnny Iguana (ex-Junior Wells/Otis Rush/oh my god) works the piano alongside singer Berit Ulseth, bassist/singer Zach Verdoorn and drummer Matt Torre. ... more

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