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DANCE SCANDAL AT THE GYMNASIUM!

by The Claudettes

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 4 The Claudettes releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of DANCE SCANDAL AT THE GYMNASIUM!, Pull Closer to Me: Live in the Piano Room, NO HOTEL, and Infernal Piano Plot...HATCHED!. , and , .

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1.
You just had to tell me all about it Make a long story short? I doubt it When I'm lookin' for a thrill I have to dream it Try again now, do it like you mean it You obey too willingly. You come way too easily, when I call. You shouldn't stay with me, at all, don't stay with me A good idea is a good idea is a good idea is a good idea—turn here. Let me off, let me out, this is my stop. Stop the bus, I'm gonna exit through the gift shop. You know, you fold like a sheet. I want to shake like a leaf, on a tree. You come way too easily, for me, don't stay with me. Do it like you mean it. Do it like you mean it. A good idea is a good idea is a good idea You shouldn't stay with me. You shouldn't stay with me, baby. You shouldn't stay with me. You shouldn't stay with me, baby. You're just as sweet as can be, but please, don't stay with me.
2.
November 03:16
She's still dying for a toehold, before she finds herself too old Dusty piles of the unsold, should've done like she was told August of two thousand and three That was the best month that she'd ever seen Tour bus and flowers and white limousine Now she's fumbling for a foothold, and she knows it's getting late She's still trying for a toehold September of two thousand and ten The end of an era, it seemed to her then November, the winter came early again Now she's vying for a toehold, with no ambition at all She's just fumbling for a foothold, only trying not to fall Are you fighting for a foothold, after climbing up this far? Are you scratching for a toehold, staring skyward at the stars?
3.
Nobody knows how to talk to each other these daze I said nobody knows how to talk to each these daze He-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey Everywhere where I look now, everything is failing into place Yeah, everywhere where I look now, everything is failing into place He-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey Everyone around me, everyone is going inane I tell you, everyone around me, everyone is going inane He-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey Chorus: Give it all up for good Let me tell ya this, now, love is the sweatiest thing Don't say I didn't warn ya: love is the sweatiest thing He-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey Chorus: Give it all up for good Bridge: If you get down when you look around And hear lame sounds all around town Just pick yourself up…and dust yourself off When you get intensely upset by the set that bets against you when you haven't even met 'em yet Just pick yourself up…and dust yourself off And give it all up for good!
4.
He shoulda donned his shorts on the beach in France He shoulda shut the door when he doffed his underpants But he didn't, and now he's... Naked on the Internet! America saw him naked, and a hundred years from now he'll still be Naked on the Internet! (piano fill) There's a hole in his backyard fence—Paparazzi! Paparazzi! It makes no sense not to mend that fence You know it's pretty dense not to mend that fence You should know if you're a movie star Telephoto lenses work from really, really far, but… But he didn't do that—No, he didn't do that He did not mend that fence, now that doesn't make a lick of sense, and now he's Naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet! America saw him naked…America saw him naked…Even Russia! Russia saw him naked! From coast to coast, everybody knows: He's naked on the Internet! Naked on the Internet!
5.
I think that I died, the world is loaded with clues The first one is you. I think that I died I don't think I'm here, I'm much too content. Don't know where I went, but I don't think I'm here. Don't know where I am, but I have you along. Don't know for how long, but I have you along. Don't know where I'm going but you decided to come Along for the ride. I think that I died. The way the crowds became ghosts, the way they won't make a sound, The way I have you around. I think that I died. I wonder how it went down. I've got a feeling I drowned, 'Cause everything is drifting and I don't hear a sound. And I can't touch the ground, and I'm looking around And it's you that surrounds, and we sink to the ground And stop breathing together, and we've finally found The isolation we seek, no one else is around And I'm thrilled that we're bound to never be found So let's kill the lights, and let's kill the sound And you close your eyes, and I'll close mine, too And pull closer to me, and I'll pull closer to you. I think that I died, the world is loaded with clues The first one is you. I think that I died I don't think I'm here, I'm much too content. Don't know where I went, but I don't think I'm here. Don't know where I am, but I have you along. Don't know for how long, but I have you along. Don't know where I'm going but you decided to come Along for the ride. I think that I died.
6.
7.
Bill played saxophone and everything was fine Then George played Risk and all the world was licked by flames of fire It's just a stumble It's like a phase of the moon They'll start to crumble It will be over soon Every now and then we take a deep nosedive (X3) Golf carts everywhere and flutes of pink champagne All that wiped away we had to sell it all, dear Lord So now we're humble But just wait 'til June They're gonna fumble We'll be in power soon Once you hit the bottom you can only climb (X3) It's rough and tumble But we're about to win This is a rumble To lose would be a sin
8.
Influential cobblers don't wear boots Influential coppers won't just shoot So passé Influential farmers don't wear hats Influential bombers won't use a match So very passé Read an essay sometime It's not 1989 no more (into bridge) ahh-ahhhhh Influential bankers work Sundays Influential butlers ditch the trays Influential influential influential…….
9.
I don't want to hear "We got 'im!" "We got 'im!" I can't bear to hear "They shot 'im!" "They shot 'im!" All I wanna hear when the dust has cleared is "We found 'em! We found 'em! We found 'em!" All I wanna hear is "Yes, my dear, the fear is nearly over." I want that man to say "I love you, my brother" To take away the day when someone has to tell bad news to a mother And I want to see the day when you men in grey say "I won't destroy another…another" The boys in the city and the girls so pretty should run for fun, not for cover…for cover From the front seat…he hears him…in the backseat…singing and laughing As he drives him to class, all the radio blasts is death…just death, and traffic He feels he has to shield his young boy's ears from the world that's all around him, that surrounds him So he says louder than the news, "Let's go out to the zoo, and go for ice cream," and he says, "Can we?," he says, "Can we?" I just want to hear, "We saved them! We saved them!" I just want to hear, "We saved them! We saved them! I only want to hear, "We saved them! We saved them!" I only want to hear, "We saved them! We saved them!"
10.
Total Misfit 03:41
I'm a knife, but we're not in the Age of Incision I'm a very sick man who repulses physicians An insecure actor who invites derision I don't know what to do I was left in charge but can't make a decision I'm a crumbling building craving demolition A secret agent 10 years between missions And I have no idea what to do. AAAHH! I'm a former rocket with a faulty ignition A minor work with a major omission I've always been prolific but never saw one commission I have no earthly idea what to do. AAAHH! And why am I even telling you this? You're just gonna promise, "You are gonna get through this. You're gonna get through this" Aaahh So what am I gonna do about this? I'll find some other misfits. We'll get together and remember, or maybe retrofit (guitar line) I'm really startin' to wonder: (guitar line) Did my shape ever fit? Aaahh (guitar solo) Well, maybe this is a good thing To be a total misfit I wouldn't wanna be a good fit No, not in this Aaahh AAAHH! I'm a proud old magazine with no new edition A spellbinding trick, but there are no more magicians A small dry well that hasn't seen much wishin' There's nothing left that I can do (repeat two more times) AAAHH!
11.
I'm s'posed to dress up for ya? I'm s'posed to lie down for ya? I'm s'posed to go down for ya? I'm s'posed to cheer up for ya? I'm s'posed to wake up before ya? To make a cake just for ya? I'm s'posed to bake it for you now? Nothing feels right, but Tuesdays we have Taco Night I'm s'posed to take the car, I'm s'posed to drive it far I'm s'posed to find some woods, I wonder if I could? I'm s'posed to roll you out, You're s'posed to beg and shout But no one's s'posed to hear you now It's a rainy midnight burial I'm not really Taco Night material I'm s'posed to come to the station, You're s'posed to be on vacation I'm s'posed to give 'em the proof now, I'm s'posed to tell 'em the truth now I'm s'posed to answer the question, I'm s'posed to give 'em directions Here's my confession now: I'm not really Taco Night material I'm not really Taco Night material I'm s'posed to be Taco Night material But I'm not really Taco Night material
12.
As I'm searching for the perfect words Here's something that I overheard: "THIS LIFE ON EARTH HAS GOTTEN UTTERLY ABSURD!" We're all just latent meat Let's have a "meet 'n' greet" Billions spent on God No one gets the job THIS LIFE ON EARTH HAS GOTTEN UTTERLY ABSURD! Thought dies as transmissions rise "I'll look it up" has devoured "I know" Fast and now killed I know how Lords and more Lords Wars and warlords THIS LIFE ON EARTH HAS GOTTEN UTTERLY ABSURD!

about

Piano, snarling bass and sultry vocals get into a blues-punk brawl at the studio of Grammy-winning Black Keys producer Mark Neill. On their head-spinning new album, the Claudettes summon early blues, '60s pop-soul and Cramps-like psychobilly as they introduce the lineup that’s been touring for two years: piano, drums, "Bass VI" guitar and three singers.

Revved-up raves "Influential Farmers" and "Taco Night Material" and garage-soul stompers "Don't Stay with Me" and "Give It All Up for Good" sit alongside transfixing ballads "Pull Closer to Me" and "Death and Traffic." Look behind the eclectic tracks, though, and you'll find a common thread: a search for humanity behind the vitriol and cracked communication of the Internet Age. And need anything more be said about the timely prescience of "Naked on the Internet"?

The band recorded at Soil of the South for 10 days, tapping Neill's vast knowledge and collection of vintage equipment. Neill, who shuns the practice of building tracks in Pro Tools, had the band play again and again until "THE" take arrived. Marxophones, mellotrons, fuzz pedals and percussion helped finalize Neill's sonic visions.

This is the Claudettes' first album with seductive singer Berit Ulseth. "She went to the New School in NY for jazz vocals, but she's got a tone you can't learn," says Claudettes pianist/songwriter Johnny Iguana (who toured with Junior Wells, Otis Rush and punk-organ band oh my god). "Sometimes she reminds me of 'I Feel the Earth Move' Carole King, and she's got this Patsy Cline lushness to her voice."

What's traditional on "DANCE SCANDAL AT THE GYMNASIUM!!" are the blues, soul and rock 'n' roll touchstones. What's new and indescribable is the sum total of these songs, musicians and this producer, who describes the album thusly: "Haunted cabaret...David Lynch movie music crossed with Allen Toussaint's driving piano sound...Like Otis Spann and Mark Sandman from Morphine sitting in with Keely Smith…I love this record, it's crazy good."

credits

released March 23, 2018

Berit Ulseth: Vocals
Johnny Iguana: Piano and keyboards, percussion, vocals
Zach Verdoorn: Basses and guitars, vocals
Matthew Torre: Drums, percussion

Recorded, produced and mixed by Mark Neill at Soil of the South, Valdosta, GA
Mastered by Lee Dyess and Mark Neill in Valdosta, GA

All songs by Brian Berkowitz (OM GOD MUSIC/ASCAP)

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The Claudettes Chicago, Illinois

The Claudettes fuse Windy City piano blues with the full-throttle energy of rockabilly and punk, jazz-age echoes of burlesque and vaudeville and the sultriness of '60s pop-soul to write a thrilling new chapter in American roots music. Johnny Iguana (ex-Junior Wells/Otis Rush/oh my god) works the piano alongside singer Berit Ulseth, bassist/singer Zach Verdoorn and drummer Matt Torre. ... more

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